I initially took a break from blogging to do a makeover on all of my websites, then life got in the way.
My life seemed perfect, everyone was healthy and happy, just perfect…………. but things can change in a flash. Losing a life long best friend (46 years), makes one re-evaluate your own mortality and create needed changes in your life. I never imagined how broken I would feel, how unimaginable the entire situation would be, but I have learned that it is acceptable to not be okay. For 46 years she watched my life unfold. She saw me come of age and my relationships begin and end, and was very happy when I found the perfect one. We loved to laugh together, we had many inside jokes, and spoke on the phone often, if only for a quick laugh.
I first thought that I would miss the phone calls the most, then the feel of sitting in her living room with the conversation traveling in any direction, or sitting on her glider on the back porch on a summer night. We shared our life events and confided in each other and grew to love each other unconditionally. I got stuck on my grief there for a while, thinking it was the unconditional love I missed the most. Now I realize it is something more, over the course of such a time span of sharing everything, she came to know exactly how broken I am.
The thing about life is that all of us are going to experience great loss, if we have not already. Nothing anyone could have said could have prepared me for this, but I have an amazing support system. I will live my life as a celebration of her life, not as a slave to her memory.